TITLE DISABILITY AND PARENTHOOD - THE RIGHT OF A PERSON WITH DISABILITY TO BECOME A PARENT AND ENJOY THE BENEFIT OF PARENTHOOD IN THE COMMUNITY

MESSAGE A Person with Disability has the right to become a parent

Introduction
Persons with disabilities (PWDs) want to exercise their rights to become parents and take care of their own families. However, there are few organizations advocating for such rights. There is need for advocacy in the area of rights of PWDs to become parents and enjoy the benefits of parenthood in the community.

The need for advocacy of PWDs’ rights to become parents is heightened by the following factors:

Health personnel are reluctant to assist PWDs on sexual reproductive issues. There has been a tendency for Health personnel referring PWDs as special cases when attending health reproductive services. They think disability has some implications on ones sexual reproductive system. Having a disability does not make one sexually inactive. Therefore, once health personnel have been sensitized they will be able to appreciate and treat PWDs just like anybody else.

Counseling Services needed to be provided to PWDs on issues concerning parenthood.

PWDs are discouraged from getting married or having families because of the many stories that are told by their relatives, families and friends. There is a myth that someone with a disability will pass on the disability from parent to a child. Some mistakenly believe that a PWD cannot just be capable of adequately taking care of a family or child due to their disability. Nevertheless: “Everyone disabled or not, has the right to be informed about sexuality and to have intimate relationships”.

Many PWDs have been unable to realize neither the right to their sexual reproduction status nor to choose the right partners. Often, however, they do not realize their rights, because their sexuality is ignored or denied by those closest to them. This situation has caused a lot of problems hence it has been discovered that majority of PWDs have been raped. Take the following story for example:

In Chikwawa, the southern part of Malawi, there was a girl (names withheld) who was raped discretely. A certain rich man used to pick her up to his grocery pretending to teach her to become his sales lady. In the process he started forcing her into sexual intercourse. When the girl became pregnant, he asked her not to mention his name and promised to assist her. He only did this to satisfy his wishes and never considered the girl’s status. Few months later, the gentleman disappeared to another commercial city where he established his new business. Since then, the girl never saw the man and was left desperate looking for assistance from the community.

Very clearly more information needs to be disseminated on how PWDs can exercise their rights to become parents. This can be done by producing articles related to sexual reproduction and through these PWDs could be made aware and be able to choose what is right for them. These articles could be in form of newsletters, pamphlets and posters.

Human Rights organizations can assist to disseminate information on the rights to parent-hood. These organizations are a mouthpiece to all human beings. I have discovered that when Human Rights organizations are disseminating messages, they do not specifically mention issues of disability. They talk of human rights for all, and yet we say disability in itself is a human rights issue. These organizations need to be sensitized and be asked to encompass issues relating to disabilities. They should be able to clearly state that the decision to get married, have children or a family is a right and responsibility of every person, including a PWD.

The following is a narrative of my own life story. I would like to share with you this personal experience as a lady with disability, who struggled in life to become a parent

I am over forty years now and I am proud that I have fought every inch to become what I am.

While growing, up I kept on dreaming that I would have a baby of my own because all my sisters were married and had their own. They used to send their children to assist me doing daily chores but could not let them sleep at my house. I was working and staying in my own house as an independent person, but was still treated like an infant. At night I used to feel so lonely, had no one to talk to, no one to bring me water, or sharing of food. That was horrible!

At the age of 25, I got pregnant. This news brought shock to my sisters, aunts and uncles, because that was the last thing they ever expected of me. I remember when I was young, my mother used to say it would have been better if I became a church nun. She felt being a nun would be best for me in order to serve the Lord than getting married. I used to be told that there was more harm than good in marriage life that I could not manage to handle it. Worse still, I was told delivering a child was another horrible thing that I could not face due to my disability. All these threats were meant to discourage me.

The sad news I got was that I should abort the pregnancy because all my sisters had gone through child delivery and they thought I could not manage the process. They frightened me by saying that if able-bodied women die during delivery, who was I to try that. They even threatened to report the man who was responsible for my pregnancy to the police.

I told them that the gentleman admitted he did not follow the right procedure but accepted to take me as a wife. This was a mere joke to the whole family, a taboo! One of my sisters said, “if he doesn’t know our family properly, he will see, we will send him to rot in jail.”

Arrangements were done by my sisters together with my aunt to take me to the hospital for abortion, but what they did not know was that I had made up my mind to keep the pregnancy and that I was eager to see a child of my own. I privately went to see a doctor for counseling and advice on the pregnancy. The doctor assured me that it was possible for me to deliver a healthy baby and that if some problems could occur during delivery, I would be assisted to delivery through caesarian section.

My relatives took me to the hospital. I did not resist. When we reached there, I told them in the presence of the doctor that I was not ready to go through the abortion process because I needed the baby inside me. I told them how lonely I felt when I was staying alone while they (relatives) had their own children and nobody bothered to give me one of their children whom I could stay with. I reminded them that abortion was just another great sin and I asked them to wait and see what God had planned for me. The doctor strongly told them that there was nothing wrong with me being pregnant and assured them that things would be fine. They all felt ashamed and returned home with their heads down.

All this time, my mother played a low profile because she was afraid, too, that anything could have happened to me. I discussed with her about all her fears and she discovered that I had strong feelings about having my own child. She understood me quite well and ever stayed close to me.

Time came when I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. This became the time of joy and reconciliation to the whole family. They were all happy and became very supportive. Few years later I got married to the man and had a handsome baby boy. I am a happy mother of these two children. The girl is now 18 years old and the boy is 14.

My children are very accepting and comfortable that I am their mother. They truly love me and I do everything for them that any parent can do to their children.

This is a personal experience on how I struggled to become a parent with disability. All one needs is courage! I made up my mind and became strong. According to my personal experience, I have seen that motherhood for a woman with disability is undesirable to the non-disabled society. What everyone needs to know is that the decision to have a child or not, or adopt a child is the right and responsibility of every person including a PWD.

I want to remove the negative attitude that makes people think that persons with disabilities are sexually inactive. What they should know is that all human beings are capable of a sexual relationship with another person. It should not be seen as an abnormal thing for a person with disability getting married and having children. This is very normal!